Whatcha textin bout Willis?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
home. puking in laundry basket.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
