i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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