you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
