I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize