so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
