proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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