i would punch a child for taco bell
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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