i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you remember whose house we're in?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
