It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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