Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
