yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize