Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
