Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
