Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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