If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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