I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
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Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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