yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
