I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
