Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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