just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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