Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
