can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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