Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
