my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
