Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
BRING THE BAGELS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
