I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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