I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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