it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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