Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
