I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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