absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
