you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
