I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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