Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
