I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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