Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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