i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
