I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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