Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Even my vagina gasped.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
