U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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