I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
