problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
