Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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