so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
