The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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