she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
