I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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