Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
