Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize