ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
