Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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