lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
