I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
