I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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