What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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