I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
