It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
