it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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