the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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