is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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