I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
