So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
