Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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